Vacation Over!

Yeah, right, that's what I've been on a vacation! I know some people would love to have my life, but only for a few days, why? because I have everyone's dream, be a couch potato and eat anything I want, don't exercise or clean your house. A dream right? Why am I not loving it then? I haven't blogged because I just don't feel like anything is worth blogging about right now! I get in a rut and all I want to do is read blogs, I don't even comment (and I'm sorry about that) because I don't want to type! I really didn't feel good yesterday (or sunday, or saturday, or even friday actually, okay maybe it's been over a week!) why don't I feel good???? I hate when I don't have any energy or I just feel crappy, I had high hopes and dreams yesterday, wanted to make a few cards, get my halloween swap ready since I finished it and if I might say so am so proud of it. But now, I sat on the sofa the entire day!!! watching stupid stupid tv!!! why can't there be good stuff on tv? My stomach hurt, why??? I already have a hard enough time gaining weight, I need to have it feel like it's starving not hurting. At a time I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up, at one point I noticed my oxygen wasn't coming through (not the reason I felt like passing out, it was working then) usually if the dogs have been playing in the hall they knock it off the machine, so I go to the hall and the dog had taken some of my clothes from the bedroom and scattered them down the hall (reason we keep the door closed, but since it's nice weather we wanted it opened to circulate air, cool things off etc... guess not! closin' the door now!) that crazy dog!

I want to exercise, it's good for you, it would help me out, strentghen my muscles, help open up my lungs, we even borrowed a treadmill since we live in a really hilly area and that's too hard on me (and because of weather etc..) so why don't I use the treadmill? why am I so stupid you ask? because it causes me to have hemoptysis which then puts me back in the hospital! I have been trying ever since last Aug. too recover and get better, I'm a fighter, I was trying all I could, I would walk that treadmill everyday, I even got to the point where I could walk the dogs around the block! but everytime I would start to get better, boom, back in the hospital! I kept trying over and over and finally you get the message! so I haven't tried to exercise in months and surprise haven't been to the hospital since spring! But it kills me! I want to exercise so I can hopefully feel better but I also can't make it through another major hemoptysis episode! I at least try and do something each day, cleaning wise in my house, hopefully that will help me, exept for yesterday I didn't do anything!!!!!

Since we're on the subject I have the best most amazing husband in the world! He loves me so much and is so helpful and supportive of me, doesn't complain that I can't keep house, he even does it himself, the laundry, the dishes, dinner, whatever! Plus he is going to school and working! He is always so concerned about me and cares that I didn't feel good all day. Here's a sweet note he left me the other day. I love him so much! He is the highlight of my day when he calls between classes etc. and when he comes home even though we just go to bed an hour or so later.

Now that I'm on the grateful wagon, I'm really grateful for my new blogging friends, your cards in the mail or phone call and cookies have been so touching, I have lost touch with all my friends since last aug. nobody comes and visits anymore no phone calls or emails, and I feel like I can totally be myself around you because of course you know all about me! and I'm glad, it's nice to have people who know what's been going on. So thank you to all my blog friends, I wish I could send you each an individual card but I honestly don't make very many (okay I don't make any really, I made some to mail the bookmarkers in but not any since) I want to, I want to write more 'just because' notes, good to have goals, just know that I truly love and appreciate all you even if you don't get a card!

Okay, I really need to go eat and sit in front of the tv again. Another boring day? I could spice it up with a shower? oh why? I do love the cooler weather though, I hate being hot, plus it's easier to cuddle up on the sofa when it's nice and cool! Thanks for listening, at least I pretend you do, it's my blog I'll think of it how I want.

Also need to add that my sister is the best as well, she calls me almost everyday and I know I can call her if I want, we talk and it's great, the only other person besides my husband that I talk too! I love it and her little boy is always doing something 'boyish' in the background! Oh and the most exciting news! well, two things, I don't know if I mentioned that she is pregnant again so #3 on the way, so exciting, will I have another niece or nephew? But also their whole family is coming up for Thanksgiving! They are so sweet because they knew that I couldn't come down there at all and so they are all coming up here, that's big because my bro-in-law has never been here and he doesn't like to fly so he is sacrificing a lot and I am so grateful, also I spent a whole month with my nephew just days after he was born but haven't seen him since! it's been two years! but last Aug. when I was really sick my sister came up and brought my nephew but I don't remember seeing him!!! stupid meds. So I am so so excited, finally something fun to look forward too. Makes me want to work on my health but then again I'm scared too! I don't want to risk being in the hospital when they come! Also I don't think I mentioned, I'm back on Iv antibiotics, I thought they would make me feel so much better like last time, nope, no difference! does that mean they aren't working? I don't know, I just have to lug around a ten pound bag all day long. Can't wait for my sister's visit!

Okay I tried to do pictures, I will have to try later, it's slow and I don't have patience right now. Sorry! Check back later if you want.