Happy Halloween!

This is Chugs Halloween 'thing' it is a devil, you can't see the little tail behind her head, it has two eyes and black horns. I did not buy this for her my mother-in-law did a couple years ago (Chugs was her first 'grandbaby') if you see pictures of Chugs in any sweaters etc.. it's because she already owns them not because I bought them for her, and sometimes I put them on her in the winter time because she is half chihuahua and gets cold fast.

Tuesday Tell All...

Ghosts of Halloween Pasts....

Well this one is easy! My mom does not like halloween and therefore we kids never had much fun! growing up we would all be ghosts in a bed sheet, just plain, nothing special like they have nowadays and I even think we used a pillowcase for our candy! no special bag etc.... we also stopped going trick-or-treating when we were 10 I think, then our church started having a halloween party on the same night so that is what the younger kids did! I was sad when we had to stop trick-or-treating, so much candy!!!

I will not deprive my kids of the experience of dressing up I think it is so fun and also of going trick-or-treating, especially when they are little, I am glad that my church had a party to go to because depending on where you live halloween night can be a not so safe night.

And though it's sad to say, please don't come to my house we don't hand out candy, mostly because I'm selfish and want it (so then I'll buy the gross kind) or because we live in a basement and nobody comes back there anyways!!!!!

I've never been to an adult halloween party I think it would be so fun to dress-up with my husband, another time, another place maybe.

It's been awhile....

It's been quite awhile since I've posted, it's hard when you don't feel good and then it seems like that's all I've been posting about lately! But That has been my life, last week was really bad, I really couldn't breathe well, even though it said I was getting enough oxygen I just felt like I couldn't breathe, I also had fevers which I hate fevers to no end they just make you feel so bad! I honestly felt like my time was up and I am okay with that I really am, I struggled with it a few months ago and sometimes I have felt like it will be alright and I will live for a couple more years, but right now I am calm and peaceful about it, I'm not giving up, I just don't see how my body can keep going when it can't breathe! Of course I get all sad and yes cry when I think about leaving my husband, dogs, family, but I know that heaven is a great place to be! And with the time difference I will only be without them for a short time! I do feel bad for my husband though since he will have to go on without me but he must, and I expect him to make the most out of himself. I also thought of my new blog friends but just hope that the short time I have been able to make friends that I will have left a good and uplifting impression on, to keep going and 'endure joyfully to the end' (Elder Uchtdorf, Oct. '07).

Today:
Well I have been trying really hard lately to work on me, my faith, becoming a disciple, I am currently reading a talk by Elder Maxwell, studying that as well as the scriptures, and today (I have felt much better today by the way) I received a strong impression, which as I'm typing don't think appropriate to share right now but I will say that it has left me with high hopes for the future, I just need to continue to work on my faith and work on becoming a better disciple of Christ. Sometimes my husband and I have thought that as with the story from the bible of the man born blind so that the hand of the Lord might be shown that maybe that is happening to me because really that is the only reason I am still here, medically there is nothing they can or really are doing (except pumping me full of antibiotics) that is keeping me here and I just need to have greater faith in the Lords plan for me.

Finally dog pics....

The promised dog pictures finally! sorry it took so long, sometimes I just don't want to download and then upload!




If Chugs isn't sitting on my lap (rare) when Texas comes over to sit on my lap (rare) then Chugs will come over and try to sit on my lap, she is so jealous or something! Poor Texas is just so nice and will then sit next to me if Chugs is in the way, so when this happens I either push Chugs off or put Chugs on the side because Texas doesn't come and sit on my lap very often! And Chugs is already a spoiled princess!

Tuesday Tell All...

This week is "What are things that scare you most?"

Honestly right now it is not being able to breathe, being short of breath and not being able to catch it again (happens alot). Also although it's not that I am scared but kinda of dying! It's not that I'm nervous about what happens or where we go and I sure can't wait because I'll be done with this body! But at the same time I love my husband and my dogs and I love this new world of blogging and the new friends I've made, I really do like it here and really hope there are similar things in heaven!!! But atleast I have more friends on the other side right? I do have to say though you really can't live like Tim McGraw says 'live like you are dying' because if you did you would be decluttering your house and then have nothing left! I will be leaving a lot of stuff behind, poor hubby.

I almost didn't do this I hope it isn't too 'down' I just want to be honest. Now on to happier things, because I don't like to dwell on the sad! I took pictures of the dogs today both were curled up on my lap (if you can believe it) but I really don't want to download them and then post I would rather read blogs so I will do it tomorrow, sorry!

Interesting finds....

Do you use your left brain or your right brain more often? Click on the link and watch the image and see if it is moving clockwise or counter-clockwise and then the site will tell you if you are right or left brained and what that means. I am right-brained.
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22556281-661,00.html

Also my friend is using these diapers, thought I'd just pass them along, very environment-safe and eliminates the trash and stink problem of diapers! check them out:
http://www.gdiapers.com/

That's all for now!

More Cards...

I actually felt good today and even made some cards! I got some orange cards from Kasi my swap buddy and then just decorated them, I am a little proud I feel I am getting a little better, the letters were rub on with a little wooden stick and that took awhile to master, I was pressing too hard at the beginning and breaking the sticker, but I liked the look, I just stuck stuff on and I hope they don't look too dorky, I am way behind on Thank You cards so I am finally sending those out! And of course, just a few 'Just Because' cards! Here's to a good day! This is what my dogs did while I made cards...

First Snow Day...

Well we woke up to a bunch of snow! and the dogs love it! The first one is our favorite:



Check out the fence:

Two Emergency Visits....

That's right, luckily only one of those was me! I had to go to the hospital early Friday morning and got out today, so so grateful I could go home so quick, I really dislike being there, especially in ICU with so many wires attached to you. So who you ask had the other emergency visit??? it was Texas, poor girl has had it rough since getting her shots, and of all the days, J(husband) had to take her in Friday night while I was in the hospital! So why did Texas have to go? I'll tell you, we asked some friends (they have two dogs) to feed the dogs and take them outside while we were gone since we knew J would be gone all day with me, J got home around 7pm and just kept saying how Texas didn't seem like herself and by 8pm it was a little worse, he tried to give her a belly rub and she just kinda whined and tried nipping him, and she was not energetic or happy and if you know Texas you know that's not her (she is half beagle) so he took her in, I was asking him over the phone if it was absolutely necessary, I just hate those after hour vet prices! but she is our little baby and I hate to see her suffer, well turns out that her problem was.....she ate too much! That's right she ate too much, her belly was huge and she was in pain from too much food! In a way you are relieved because it's nothing big but in another way we paid way to much to find that out! I'm thinkin' I should really look into doggie insurance. So I'm kinda mad at the people who took care of our dogs during the day and feed them! I mean they must have feed her 3 or 4 scoops, J said that Chugs bowl (which we have to have on the coffee table out of reach of Texas) was full and that's fine because Chugs won't over eat! it makes me wonder what went on like did Texas eat hers up so fast (like she always does) and so they thought she was really hungry and feed her more? Texas always acts like a pig, doesn't mean you have to feed her like one! Should I send them the vet bill? it's a little our fault too since J said to feed them and then didn't specify only one scoop! and their dogs are overweight so we should have known! Just makes me mad because we didn't have the money.

Okay enough of that, we are all doing good here, Texas is herself again, finally!!!! Here are some random pictures:

Chugs looking over our shoulder...


Hoping to get a bite of this...

This isn't true but I titled it 'time-out'..haha

Okay so why did I have to go to the hospital? Well at 4am I starting having a major episode of hemoptysis, it was enough that we felt like we should go in because if it happened again I would need to be intubated and taken to surgery. I did not have another episode and therefore was able to get the dr.'s to let me go right from the ICU!!!! sounds short and simple but that's how I want to remember it and not dwell on it and worry about it, I just pray that my body will heal and that will not happen again.

Hair Again...

So remember when I got my haircut, I posted pictures but it didn't look like I had really gotten a cut because I had flat ironed it, so here are some pictures that look better, plus ever since I got the cut the back has been bugging me, I really hate when the back is a little longer than the sides and also it had some 'bulk' and uneven pieces that drive me nuts! Well I know I have talent and can cut really great, but my own? Oh well, whatever! I CUT MY OWN HAIR! and if I do say so myself it turned out just like I wanted, now I am pleased with my hair, and to top it off I added highlights just one hour before we went to our anniversary dinner! I'm so glad they turned out and looked good! So here are pictures of the back of my hair and the highlights.

With Chugs...

With Texas...

Quotes...

I am posting quotes because I don't know what to write today and I have this old little notebook of quotes that I want to get on the computer so I don't lose them, I've struggled today with the feeling of 'I want to be my old self again' and I don't really want to go into that because I need to move on, I won't ever be like that again, I liked who I was, okay maybe it's not who I was but I liked what I was able to do, I cooked, cleaned, had a job, cut hair at home, went Visiting Teaching and to Enrichment, went to bookclub, had friends that we hung out with, went walking daily with a lady, ran errands, took my dog (at that time I only had one, poor Texas has never had me take her for a walk!) for a walk daily, I was busy! I was always doing stuff, my husband would tell people that I had ADD because I was always doing something, even watching tv or a movie I was cross-stitching or something! I miss that girl! But I need to move on, I feel like I've accepted the way that I am but maybe I haven't. I use the word 'but' too much. Every time I try and say okay, I am going to be better, I guess I just need to learn a new me because there is no way I can do what I did! I mean I can barely clean one room in my house daily! That is my goal is to do at least one thing daily, I guess I just wish I could do more, I get all excited and pumped, I say I am going to do more tomorrow, but I just can't! Really! I don't have good lung capacity and get so short of breath, all I did was vacuum the hall and bedroom (small) and I was totally out of breath! then I rest and try and get up and do some laundry but it seems like I get short of breath faster as the day goes on! I don't know, I use to be so optimistic, I miss it.

Okay, this post isn't suppose to be sad or poor me, that's not what I wanted! So here are the quotes I found:

"Beware of no one more than of yourself; we carry our worst enemies within us."
~Charles Spurgeon

"In order to plan our future wisely, it is necessary that you understand and appreciate your past."
~Jo Coudert

"It is not an easy world to live in. It is not an easy world to be decent in. It is not an easy world to understand oneself in, nor to like oneself in. But it must be lived in, and in the living there is one person you absolutely have to be with."
~Jo Coudert

"Feeling sorry for yourself,, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have."
~Dale Carneige

"Success, if it is to be meaningful, must be a personal thing."

"A successful life will have its days or even years of failure....which bear testimony to the fact that success isn't easy."

"I had the blues because I had no shoes. Until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet."

"We seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack."
~Schopenhauer

"There are seeds of self-destruction in all of us that will bear only unhappiness if allowed to grow."
~Dorothea Brande

"A fellow must know where he wants to go, if he is going to get anywhere. It is so easy to drift along. The people who go places and do things make the most of every situation. They are ready for the next thing that comes along on the road to their goal. They know what they want and are willing to go an extra mile."
~Dr. William Menninger

Wow, okay all those were meant for me today!!!!

The Park....

I love going to the park on sunday with the dogs it's so peaceful just sitting there thinking....


watching the dogs run around...


I need to practice action shots with the camera I didn't do it right...


At first I took this picture because I wanted to be more open and show you how I really am, that I have an oxygen tank and a big fanny pack carrying my IV's, but then as I am writing I realized it's not for you it's for me! I am taking more photos with my oxygen tube on I normally take it off for the picture because I don't like the way I look and it hit me, I'm doing it for me!!! I need to post these pictures and realize that's me! That's who I am and what I look like now, it's not that I'm embarrassed, I just am not used to seeing me like that! And those are pajama pants not golf pants (that picture makes them look funny on me).

Anniversary Dinner....

WOW! What an amazing dinner! We went to Ruth's Chris Steak House so delicious! We have never been to a restaurant this fancy before, and the only reason we were there is because some really really nice friends paid for us to go!

I don't know if it was because of the blog or because the food was so 'presentable' but we took a picture of everything before we ate it! Actually my husband had to remind me a couple times to take a picture because I just wanted to dig right in!!!!

Appetizer was: Seared Ahi Tuna and Barbecue Shrimp



Salads...


I had the Fillet, Oscar-style (with asparagus, crab cake, hollandaise sauce)

Husband had the Cowboy-Ribeye, also Oscar-style...

Dessert: Berries and Cream, Berries and Cheesecake


I also had some Broccoli on the side, guess we missed a picture of the loaded baked potato and our alcohol-free margarita!


Also the 'take-home' came in a cute bag!

Our 5th.....

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!Here's what we did for our 5th Wedding Anniversary.....didn't think I could dance like that did you?

Update on Texas...

She came home last night and was much better, she will take benedryl every 8 hrs. today and some other pill for a week! When we went to bed I didn't want to stick her in her pen alone and so she went to bed with us but was very restless and still itching so I was worried about her and also me because I really wanted to go to sleep! But I couldn't just stick her in the other room and forget about her! Finally she setteled down and was fine the rest of the night (or at least I think so, I slept fine!) Today she is doing good, almost back to her old self.

Well today is my 5th wedding anniversary! Need to go get ready for dinner, I'll post about it tomorrow:)

Not Texas' Day

Today was our day of errands, my husband had off for 'fall break' and so we wanted to get in all the errands we never get done, like oil change, Sally's (beauty supply), and I needed to get an Oral Glucose Tolerance Test, anyone whose had that just groaned.

I start off with that one since lets face it you have to be fasting so it's number one, well we get started late because I want to let my husband sleep in and then slowly get ready for the day! We didn't get there until 11:30!!!! then they had to reach my Dr. to find out which one they wanted the 2hr. one or the all day one, luckily the 2hr. one, which was fine I had other errands to run...no.....you have to wait there for 2hrs.! because if you move around your metabolism goes faster and your sugars will go down faster. Bummer, fine I've been needing to do this test for, okay a year! so I want to do it, but then I check my oxygen tank and I really don't think I have 2hrs left! so I decide to just get the blood work they need and come back another day (yipee for me!).

We go to the bank, lunch (it's now 12:30 and I've had nothing) at Jason's Deli (have you ever eaten there? it's good) stopped at Sally's so I could get stuff to highlight my hair, then home for treatments and to grab the dog because she is due for shots.

I convince my husband that we should only take Texas since she is the one that needs the shots and yes Chugs will be sad but it will be so much easier with just Texas, he does what I ask, we get her shots and head off to the oil change place and down the street one block is Petco so I thought that will be good we can hang out there while we get the oil changed. My husband wanted to drop me off and then go to the oil place but I told him I could walk, and I did!!!! it just took awhile and I was a little tired, about half-way there was a bookstore and my husband wanted to go in so I stayed outside with the dog, doing fine, doing fine, then she starts throwing up! and it was a lot! I go open the door and yell for my husband (nicely) she throws up more, some people come out and are disgusted by it wondering if I'm going to clean it up (okay they did volunteer to go get some paper towels) I yell for my husband again (the first time he thought I was just telling him to hurry up, I told him, if I yell for you it's important!) he comes out and by this time Texas had thrown up a little more!!!!

And this lady in a purple shirt keeps talking to me and since I'm hard of hearing I don't get what she keeps saying to me, I sit on the curb and I thought she was asking why I'm touching the dog with my hands when I have breathing problems! But she got closer and was telling me to put both hands on the dog and not move them around and that my energy would go to her and make her better! Oh, Okay!?!?!?! I just said okay thanks! (in my mind, go away! go away!) she finally went away and my husband was able to clean up the mess, but then I got worried because Texas had laid down and I got up and said 'let's go get Dad' and usually she will get up all excited, she didn't! So my husband carried her to Petco (at least we were indoors, it wasn't too hot out but hot) and then called the vet place back, they said to bring her in she is having a reaction, we walk back to the oil place and I am so out of breath by then but its not about me it's about getting the dog back to the vet, luckily our car is ready!

We get to the vet and Texas just lays in our arms not responsive really, they give her a steroid shot and we have to wait for twenty mins. after ten mins. we see an improvement she's moving her head to sounds again and then she was looking around and looking at me when I talked, then she got down and started sniffing and walking around, jumping up on us again, yep, back to herself, oh the funniest thing on the way home.....we get behind this small gas truck and she starts to growl! and very low growl but long and a little loud! When we had to stop and got closer her growl became louder and longer! Weird!?!

Got home, blah, blah, blah, after half an hour or so we are on the sofa and Texas starts to get jumpy and darts off down the hallway, I follow because it looks like trouble! she then sits in front of our bedroom door! What do you want in there I ask her because Dad is in the living room, I open the door and she jumps on the bed and lays down, how cute:) and then she trys to go under the covers, even cuter!:) and the rolls around, oh you're just itchy!!! so I get her out of the bedroom, we go back to the living room and she jumps back on the sofa, I'm telling my husband and he's looking at her head and then I say 'her eyes don't look right' and there are bumps on her head! she had the hives and her eyes and lips are getting puffy, so sad, my husband starts freaking out, he worried about her airways (he's a medical guy remember this is what hits him) so we are running for the car, filling up my oxygen, calling the vet, on the way they tell him just to give Texas baby benedryl and see how she is in 20 mins. good thing we hadn't passed Wal-mart yet! So we got that came home and waited, the big bumps looked like they went down some but the swelling looked a little worse and she started to shake and do a little jerking thing, so off my husband went to take her in. I had to stay home because I am so worn out from all the errands (I mean usually my day is sitting on the sofa!) and I had treatments again, I just couldn't go, you don't know how long you will be there and I have oxygen and IV's. The only thing I'm worried about is of course Texas and how are we going to pay? last time we had an emergency thing it was a couple hundred! since we were just in there and paid in full you think they will start a tab for us?

Please pray for Texas....am I a bad Mom for taking pictures or a good blogger for taking pictures?

My baby all swollen...



Update 10pm: Texas has been at the vets (emergency since it is after hours) for about four hours and they gave her two shots of benedryl and have been watching her, my husband just left to go pick her up, yep, it will be a couple hundred! You know they do sell doggie insurance. Hmm...